


The Brightest Yellow (Singularity)

by mylittlecthulhu (marineko)



Series: Red Shift [13]
Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-19 20:45:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15518244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marineko/pseuds/mylittlecthulhu
Summary: Singularity: 1. A point at which a function takes an infinite value, especially in space-time when matter is infinitely dense, at the center of a black hole. 2. The state, fact, quality or condition of being singular.





	1. Chapter 1

“Excuse me, you look familiar...”

Nino just smiled at the girl who stopped him. Sometimes it annoyed him to be recognised more than he used to be, but he was in a good mood that day. Red Shift’s first single was a hit, and things were going well in his life. 

“Are you Ryuta-kun?” he girl continued, wiping his smile away.

“No, I’m not,” he said as politely as he could. “I get that a lot, though.”

As she apologised and left, Nino felt annoyance simmering in him. The first time a fan had mistaken him for the lead singer of Cloud Chorus, Nino was amused and a little flattered. After all, he liked the band, and there were worst people to be mistaken for. But after awhile, he was beginning to resent it. He was also beginning to resent Cloud Chorus, that consisted of members younger than him, but debuted two years before Red Shift from the same company. 

_I guess Red Shift still has a long way to go, huh..._

He continued to walk to the studio feeling a little dissatisfied.

})i({

“Morning, Nino!” Aiba beamed at Nino in greeting as he walked in. Sho had a taping for some variety tv programme that morning, and was going to arrive late, but Aiba, Jun and Ohno were already gathered in the studio. “Isn’t today just the best morning ever?”

Nino’s eyes met Jun’s, and they both gave each other knowing smirks. “I’m guessing that you had a good time, staying over at Sho’s place last night.”

Aiba didn’t even blush as he nodded vigorously. “Guess what, I-” he stopped when Nino held up a hand.

“I don’t really want to hear it,” Nino said loudly. “I’m in a bad enough mood as it is. Some girl stopped me and thought I was Yamamura Ryuta.”

Jun laughed. “ _Again_?”

Nino scowled. “It’s _not_ funny.”

“It kind of is, actually,” Aiba said, still grinning at him. He was about to say more, but Nino interrupted him.

“Aiba, I swear, I’ll tell them all your darkest and most embarrassing secrets if you continue talking.”

Aiba looked untroubled, and said, “you have nothing on me.”

“Oh, yeah?” Nino was annoyed enough, and went over his memories to find something good. “What about how you didn’t how blow-jobs even worked?”

Aiba’s face changed colors instantly, and Jun looked at Nino with interest. Ohno was slowly inching out of the studio, unsure if he really wanted to be in the conversation. “This is a story I haven’t heard,” Jun said, grinning.

“Nino, don’t tell him,” Aiba hissed. Nino just smiled at him wickedly, pleased. His earlier annoyance was disappearing fast, and he was growing steadily amused with Aiba’s reaction. 

“You mean, he hasn’t told you?” Nino asked Jun innocently, arching an eyebrow at Aiba. Aiba just scowled at him. 

“I was a kid!” Aiba said defensively. “I was pure and innocent, not a perverted old man like _you_.” It only made Nino laugh.

“You see, when Aiba had decided that he was ready to go down on his first boyfriend,” Nino said, making a face at the unwanted image that came into his head, “he realised that he didn’t know what he was supposed to do, and asked me. I had to get him some porn videos but he didn’t want to watch them, so in the end I - ” the rest of Nino’s words were muffled and unintelligible as Aiba had clamped his hands over Nino’s mouth.

“This first boyfriend you were talking about... it was Sho, wasn’t it?” Aiba and Nino both turned to Jun just fast enough to catch the serious look he was wearing, before he broke into a grin. “I guess now I have more ammunition against him. Wait until he tries to criticize my singing again...”

“He said you’re good,” Aiba stated. 

“Yeah, when I do exactly what he says,” Jun replied in a light tone. It was around then when Ohno walked back in, and pointed to the glass pane through which they could see Manabe-san, one of the staff members, grinning at them.

“Guess what, Yoshiaki was testing some of the new sound equipment, and ended up recording your conversation,” Ohno said matter-of-factly. Aiba looked at him in horror, while Nino and Jun burst into laughter.

“Manabe-san... please get rid of that tape,” Aiba moaned, looking appealingly in Manabe’s direction. “Sho-chan would be so pissed if he found out about it.”

“Found out about what?” Sho asked, walking in behind Ohno. Jun and Nino immediately stopped laughing. Nino was gazing at Sho and Aiba, tense, while Jun looked at him in confusion.

“Uh...” Aiba turned to look at Nino. His best friend looked a little fatalistic as he stepped forwards, putting himself between Sho and Aiba, and explained. However, Sho didn’t explode, the way he and Aiba expected him to. Sho just nodded calmly, which freaked him out even more than if Sho had been mad, although he wouldn’t admit it.

“I’ll take care of it,” Sho said in a neutral voice, and left to speak to Manabe-san. Nino and Aiba breathed sighs of relief.

Jun looked at the two of them. “Is that guy that scary, for the two of you to be so worked up?”

Nino shook his head. “He’s really touchy about keeping private things private.”

})i({

They were recording the B-side to their second single, which was a song from Sho’s first album. Yamanaka-san decided that they should cover one of Sho’s songs, but in Red Shift’s style of music, and record it together in one go, as if they were performing live, instead of doing it over and over individually. “It’s more about capturing the chemistry of the band playing together, than about it being perfect,” Yamanaka-san had told them.

Since only Aiba claimed to be familiar with the song, they spent most of the earlier part of the day learning the song. It wasn’t difficult, but they also had to work on rearranging it to Red Shift’s style.

Both Sho and Aiba were pensive during the recording, belying the fact that they were supposed to be happy to be back together in the studio again, after the hiatus they were on when Sho was away on various jobs and lives. As Jun and Nino learned the song, which suited their twin guitars very well, they, too, began to get serious, realising what it meant to the other two. Ohno was the only one who acted like he usually did, but then again, he was always like that in the studio.

})i({

As soon as they were finished recording, Nino’s earlier bad mood started to hit him again. Sho had left the studio almost immediately, and after a moment of hesitation, Aiba grabbed his guitar and went after him. Jun was telling Ohno that they had to stop by the supermarket on the way home to get ingredients for that night’s dinner, and Nino didn’t want to bother them, so he said goodbye and stepped out of the studio by himself.

 _Alone again, huh_ , he thought, but he wasn’t particularly bothered by it. Ever since Aiba and Sho had gotten back together he had been finding himself alone in their apartment more and more. He could probably hang out with Jun and Ohno if he wanted, but he preferred to stay home and play games. 

He thought about how the dynamics of their group had slowly changed since Jun and Ohno joined the band. Before, it was mostly his and Aiba’s band, and when Sho joined Red Shift, everyone tended to listen to Sho more often than not. After Sho had left, Nino took over everything and tried to keep the band together for Aiba’s sake. Then Jun had joined, and things changed again, as Jun started to take over some of the songwriting and did all the lyrics, which altered Red Shift’s sound a lot. Ohno’s insertion in the band had been quiet and uneventful, but after awhile Nino had realised that Ohno was more or less becoming more of a leader than Nino was, and that the four of them were more balanced together than they had been in any of their previous formations.

With Sho back in Red Shift, even temporarily, their dynamic was shifting yet again. Sho was more demanding than Ohno and expected everyone to meet his standards, which Nino had to admit was good since Sho was pushing everyone to do better. He had thought that including Sho in the band again would be difficult, and it was at first, but in the end it was as if everyone had just adjusted immediately to welcome Sho into their circle. With Sho around again, Red Shift felt complete.

When he bumped into someone, causing them to drop a stack of papers to the floor, Nino mumbled an apology and automatically bent down to pick up the papers, cursing himself in his head for not paying attention to his surroundings. At least he was still in the Voyager building, although he had no idea where his feet had brought him to.

“Thanks,” the person he bumped into said as he handed over the papers. “Although now I have to rearrange them again since they’re messed up.”

“Sorry, I’ll help you out...” Nino started to say and was surprised as he looked up. “Yamamura-kun,” he blurted out.

“Really? That’d be really great!” the other man said with a wide smile. “I’m kind of behind on a lot of things right now and can’t spare the time... come on.” With one hand holding on to the papers, his free hand grabbed Nino’s wrist and pulled Nino along with him into the next studio, where the other members of Cloud Chorus looked at them inquisitively.

“You can sit there and help me out with the papers, right?” Yamamura asked Nino, pointing to the three chairs in a corner. “I think I’ve numbered them so it shouldn’t be too difficult. We’re really behind on our schedule right now and our producer is getting mad, and I don’t know why I’m stuck doing this clerical stuff when we’re supposed to have staff to handle it, but Haru-chan is on sick leave today and I can’t force her to come here when she has a cold, right? Anyway...” he paused, out of breath. His bassist took the chance to ask him a question.

“Ryuta, who’s that guy?”

“Um, this is...” Yamamura looked at Nino again. “What’s your name again?”

“I’m Ninomiya Kazunari. Uh, you can call me Nino, I guess...” Nino said, still looking at Yamamura. For some reason, the lead singer reminded him of someone.

“Great! What department are you from? Any chance of stealing you into working for us instead?” Without waiting for Nino to answer, Yamamura turned to the rest of the band. “Guys, this is Nino. Nino, these are Genki, Seiji, and, uh, The Other Guy.”

“I’m Kazuki,” the ‘other guy’ said, rolling his eyes. “He calls me that to annoy me.”

“I’m Ryuta,” Yamamura said, ignoring the guitarist.

“I know,” Nino said, and cleared his throat. “I mean, I’ve been listening to you guys since before your debut.”


	2. Chapter 2

“I’ve been listening to you guys since before your debut,” Nino said, feeling a little embarrassed.

“Oh, a fan! Why didn’t you say so? Well, isn’t it your lucky day then, since you get to be here while we record?” Ryuta exclaimed, while Genki said something else behind him.

“I thought you were Ryuta’s brother at first.”

Hearing him, Ryuta just turned to say, “Genki, you know that I don’t have a brother. Two cute sisters I’ll never let you meet, yes, but no brothers.”

Another man that Nino didn’t recognise walked in the studio at that moment. He just gave Nino a look, but didn’t say anything as he turned to the band and said, “okay, are you guys ready to start?”

The atmosphere in the room immediately turned serious as the group began their work. Nino diligently sorted the papers that Ryuta had given him, but he would usually stop for a few minutes, absorbed by the music. _Wait until Aiba finds out_ , he thought. He couldn’t believe he was listening to Cloud Chorus’s new songs, and the fact that they were playing in this small room with only him and a few other people around, made him feel as if it was a special live just for him, especially when Ryuta caught him staring at them and grinned at him.

})i({

“Sho-chan, wait!” Sho paused, hearing Aiba’s voice, and Aiba ran to catch up to him. He grabbed Sho’s arm when as he neared, afraid that Sho would start walking again before his caught his breath. “Are you mad at me?”

Sho’s expression softened, even as he pried Aiba’s hands off his arm. To Aiba’s surprise, instead of letting go, Sho held on to his hand. “I’m not mad at you,” Sho said. “I’ve talked to Manabe; he’s deleted the tape already. These things happen - although you and Nino should probably watch what you say in the studio. I have another recording upstairs, do you want to come? We could have lunch afterwards.”

When Aiba nodded soundlessly, Sho smiled and continued to walk, still holding on to Aiba. Aiba wondered if Sho realised that their hands were still entwined, but when he pulled a little, Sho’s grip on him tightened, so he just squeezed back and trotted along with Sho towards the elevator.

})i({

“You okay?”

Jun turned away from the door he was staring at, and felt embarrassment rush through him. He had been staring at the way Aiba chased after Sho, he knew. Even though it had been a long time since he dated Aiba, and that they were very comfortable as friends now, there were still moments when he felt a sort of _twinge_ when he looked at Aiba, especially when Aiba was with Sho.

Now that he had met Sho, and learned of his past with Aiba, Jun finally knew the reason Aiba was never able to truly open up to him. He felt like sighing, but smiled at Ohno instead. He had promised to be there for Aiba no matter what, and he wanted to keep that promise. Aiba probably didn’t even remember Jun’s promise, but he was determined to be someone Aiba could rely on. In the meantime, both of them were free to do whatever they wanted.

“I’m fine,” he told Ohno. “Just remembering that I have a date tonight, that’s all.”

Ohno just nodded, and pulled his backpack across his shoulders. Jun waited for Ohno to remind him that they had plans to watch a movie that night, but Ohno didn’t say a thing. He was surprised at the disappointment he felt.

“Come on, I’m going to have to get home early so that I can get ready,” he said in a happy tone. “You know I take ages to do my hair.”

Ohno’s eyes involuntarily strayed towards Jun’s hair, and said shortly, “your hair’s fine.”

“Yeah, but you’re a _guy_. You don’t get it. Girls are more picky about things like hair, you know?”

“You’re a guy, too.”

“I know that. But I’m a guy with _taste_ and _refinement_ , so of course I have different standards, right? Plus...” Jun launched on a long speech about the importance of hair care and impeccable grooming, knowing that it was lost on Ohno, who sometimes didn’t bother pulling a comb through his hair before coming to the studio. But he knew that Ohno would listen, and argue, and the fact that he knew exactly how Ohno would respond comforted him.

})i({

As Nino finished sorting the papers, he placed them in a neat stack on the chair next to him. He hesitated, thinking that he should probably leave, but at the same time he wanted to continue listening to the band. He ended up listening for another twenty minutes or so, but when his stomach started to rebel, reminding him that it was lunch, he quietly slipped out of the studio and headed towards to company cafetaria.

He spied Sho and Aiba in the distance, but Aiba looked so buoyant that Nino didn’t want to interrupt his time with Sho, so Nino found a table to himself, out of their line of sight. He remembered Sho’s briskness that morning and compared it to the affectionate look he had when talking to Aiba in the cafetaria, and wondered at how different Sho was, at work and out of it. 

Nino was almost done with his lunch when someone sat at his table. He frowned in consternation at the beaming Ryuta.

“Hey, you didn’t stick around,” Ryuta complained. 

“Sorry, I was hungry,” Nino mumbled.

“That’s okay. The thing is, I was wondering, if the department you’re working on can spare you, would you like to be on our staff?”

Nino stared at Ryuta. _He really doesn’t know that I’m a musician, too, huh_. “Um... doing what?”

“Oh, just odd jobs here and there. Filing paperwork, getting us drinks, helping with whatever when we’re in the studio. Since you said that you’ve been listening to us before our debut and I’ve been feeling that we really need more people like you around, you know, people who know what Cloud Chorus is about, and see us as more than just a product.” Ryuta made a face as he said those words. “Sometimes I miss those indie days... not that being where we are now doesn’t have its perks, of course! Hmm, let’s see... I checked with Tamura-kun and he said that we can’t really poach staff from other teams, but if you’re willing to do extra work we can pay you for overtime? We only need you at around the time you came in just now, until 9-ish. Only once a week, because Tamura-kun said we’re not allowed to ‘exploit’ you or whatever.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you’ll be more than happy to hang out with us, right?”

To his surprise, Nino was actually considering it. He was free during the time Cloud Chorus were recording anyway, because of Sho’s schedule, and it wasn’t like he had anything special to do at home. Maybe he’d even learn a thing or two from watching the band. “Okay,” he said. 

“Great!” Ryuta replied. “So you’re coming back to the studio with me after lunch and start right away. After work we’re heading to Seiji’s place because he got a new expansion for this game he wanted to try, wanna come along? He invited some other guys from the studio next to ours, so I’m sure he won’t mind one extra person.”

Nino just nodded, watching Ryuta pick at his food as he talked. He wondered what he was getting himself pulled into, but at the same time, it felt strangely good to have something going on in his life that didn’t have anything to do with Red Shift. He remembered that throughout junior high he used to get into different interests, but as he became more and more into music, he had stopped doing anything else. Being with Ryuta and Cloud Chorus was still related to music, but it was also different, because it felt like something he didn’t have to share with the rest of his band.

})i({

“I thought I saw Nino earlier,” Sho said, frowning. “But he seemed to have gone.”

“Really?” Aiba looked around the cafetaria, but couldn’t see his best friend. “Maybe you saw someone else; if Nino was here, he’d definitely come over to sit with us, right?”

“Mmm,” Sho sounded in agreement, still scanning the cafetaria. “He’s been a little preoccupied the last few days, so maybe he didn’t see us, either.”

“Maybe he’s lonely,” Aiba said. “I’ve been staying over at your place a lot these days, so he must miss me! What if he starts to get depressed? Sho-chan, can we ask Nino to come over too next time?”

Amused, Sho’s lips quirked slightly as he said, “I thought the reason you come to my place instead of the other way around was because you didn’t want to bother Nino.”

“Oh, right, that,” Aiba replied, remembering. “Well, I’m sure Nino will be fine by himself,” he said, suddenly changing his mind. “It’s not like I used to spend all my waking time with him anyway.”

“Still, maybe we should go to your place instead one of these days, and have dinner together with him like we used to.”

Warming up to the idea, Aiba nodded happily. “Yeah, we could get Ohno and Jun to come too. It’ll be really nice if the whole band could gather together in a non-work situation again.”

Sho’s smile widened at the fact that Aiba had unconsciously stated that he was part of ‘the band’, even though he was no longer officially a member of Red Shift.


	3. Chapter 3

‘A couple of guys from the studio next door’ was an understatement. Seiji seemed to have invited at least a couple of other bands, and all of their staff members too. His apartment, which was only a little larger than the one Nino shared with Aiba, was crowded. Nino recognised a few of them, but there was no one around that he could say he really knew.

He scanned the room, wondering where Ryuta was.

“You came.”

Turning to face the voice, Nino smiled at the singer. “I said I would, didn’t I? I didn’t expect there to be this many people, though.”

“For a quiet guy, Seiji’s really popular,” Ryuta replied. “Plus,” he continued with a smirk on his face, “Kazuki and I went and invited some extra people.”

“I see,” Nino said, still looking at the crowd. _I guess I’m one of the ‘extra’ people._ He never really cared about what people thought of him, but lately he was always the ‘extra’, it seemed.

“Anyway, I’m really glad you came,” Ryuta said, smiling widely. He pushed Nino forward, leading him towards the center of the room. “Everyone,” he said loudly, causing most of the people to quiet down and listen, although there was still chatter to be heard around the apartment, “this is Nino. Be nice to him, okay?”

Nino was showered by greetings and cheers, while others just smiled at him before going back to their business. Ryuta made some of the people on the sofa scoot over so that he and Nino could sit down, and they watched as Genki and a guy that Nino didn’t know fought over who got to test the game first. Nino listened as Ryuta talked at what seemed like super speed. He had to drown out everything else as he tried to make out what the singer was telling him.

“So in the end Genki managed to get the cat down, but even that was a bit of a problem, because Seiji immediately took the cat and refused to let go because he said that the cat must have been utterly _traumatised_ , and we couldn’t do the photoshoot properly because of that, and after that the photographer finally got fed up and said -”

“Guess what, I saw Sakurai-san at the studios today.”

Nino was immediately jerked out from his ‘conversation’ with Ryuta when he heard the mention of Sho. He turned, and found that it was the guy who was now playing against Kazuki (Genki had left, although Nino hadn’t realised when) talking. “Sakurai-san? We’re in the same company, what’s so strange about seeing him around?” Kazuki asked.

“Well, he was in the third floor studios, for one. You know the pop artists never record there.”

“I hear he’s doing a collaboration with some band, I haven’t heard of them, though,” another guy, that Nino recognised as the guitarist of a different band, said.

“Yeah, it’s on the radio already, haven’t you heard it?” someone else piped in.

Ryuta had stopped talking, noticing that Nino was interested in the other conversation. “Chama, when did you see Sakurai-san again?” he asked the guy who had originally mentioned Sho.

“Earlier this morning,” Chama replied. “The thing was, and believe me, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I first saw it too, but he was walking with this other guy, a musician I think, since he was carrying a guitar, and they were holding hands!”

Nino frowned. 

“Well, it’s strange that Sakurai-san would be friendly with anyone other than his immediate staff in the first place.”

“Yeah, that’s why this is interesting. And when you consider Sakurai-san’s popularity, even if it was just one of his friends it would be a big thing, since details about his private life is pretty scarce -”

“I didn’t know that you all are just a bunch of gossips.”

Everyone turned to Nino, who had spoken (very) loudly.

“Nino-san, we’re just _talking_...”

“Yeah, well, what you’re talking about is someone else’s _private business_.” He scowled, then realising that he should probably just shut up and leave, he got up. “I’m leaving. Thanks for inviting me, Ryuta-kun.”

“It’s just Ryuta,” the singer said blankly as Nino weaved through the crowd of people and left. Ryuta turned to the others. “Um. Sorry. But I agree with Nino - no more gossip, please.” He got up and went after Nino, while the rest of them just watched in silence.

})i({

“Nino!”

Nino was walking quickly, but halted immediately when he heard Ryuta call his name. “What.”

“I’m sorry about just now.”

Taking a deep breath, Nino said, “I’m sorry too, for suddenly losing it and stuff. It’s just that the guy they were talking about is my best friend.”

Blinking at Nino, Ryuta asked, “who? Sakurai-san? Or the other guy?”

Nino thought about it. “Both of them, I guess.”

Letting out his breath in a low whistle, Ryuta nodded. “I guess that would make the conversation even harder to hear. I’m really sorry.” Holding out his hand to Nino, he asked, “truce?”

Nino smiled at him, and took his hand. The two of them just stood like that for a moment, before letting go, a little awkwardly. 

“For all it’s worth, I told them off, too. Sort of.”

Ryuta was rewarded with a weak smile. “Thanks.”

As they fell into silence, Nino mused that Ryuta was kind of like Aiba in a way. When he talked, he was usually unstoppable. But he would either talk a lot, or not talk at all. There was no ‘happy medium’ when it came to Ryuta.

“Do you want to hang out?” he asked suddenly. He didn’t feel like going home just yet.

“And do what?”

“I don’t know. Anything, I guess. But if you want to go back to Seiji’s...” 

“I don’t have to.” Ryuta’s wide smile returned. “Yeah. Sure. Let’s hang out.”

})i({

Aiba was home when Nino returned, flipping through television channels. “You’re back late,” was all his best friend said.

Nino looked at the wall clock. It was almost midnight. He had completely lost track of time. “I didn’t know you were going to be home.”

“Sho-chan got called back to the studio, so I decided to come home. He’s still working now, I think.” Aiba sighed. “Poor Sho-chan.”

“He’s probably used to it,” Nino replied. He had planned to go straight to bed, but since Aiba was there, he went to the living room and sat next to his friend. “How are things between the two of you?”

“We’re great,” Aiba said, cheerful. “It’s different,” he explained, a little more seriously, although Nino could still the ebullience in his eyes. “I guess a lot of time have passed, and we’ve both changed a lot, after all. Sho-chan’s never been like this before. But I love him even more now, isn’t that weird?”

Something grabbed at Nino’s stomach, seeing Aiba so happy. He was glad for his best friend, but at the same time he found himself wondering how long it would last this time, and if he wanted it to last. _Of course I hope it would last_ , he told himself impatiently. _I want Aiba to be happy._ But he supposed that after spending the last seven years looking after Aiba (whether or not Aiba wanted him to), he suddenly felt like he wasn’t needed any longer.

“It’s not weird at all,” Nino said. “Different can be good, too. I guess he’s grown up. So have we,” he added as an afterthought.

_I guess I should stop worrying about Aiba all the time._

})i({

Nino spent about half-an-hour watching TV with Aiba, before saying goodnight and going to his room. As if on cue, his phone buzzed, indicating that he had mail. He took out his phone, and smiled when he saw that it’s from Ryuta. As he typed out a reply, he hummed the new Cloud Chorus song he heard that day. 


	4. Chapter 4

“Nino, where are you rushing to all the time? Usually you’d stay behind at the studio after practise or recording, but nowadays you’re always the first to leave. Well, the first after Sho,” Jun amended.

“I just got other stuff to do,” Nino said evasively, and gave Jun a salute before departing. “Bye!”

“I don’t get him,” Jun complained to Ohno, who had already packed both their things, and handed Jun his bag. “Thanks, Oh-chan. Hey, do you think that Nino’s keeping something from us...?”

“Jun...”

“Maybe we need to stage an intervention or something. You know that Nino, always keeping secrets. He’s kind of pulling away from the band a little lately, don’t you think?”

“Jun.”

“Mmm? What is it, Oh-chan? Anyway, Aiba was telling me that he and Sho want to find some free time to get us all together for dinner or something, and I think it’s best if I do the cooking, right, since at least I have practise from feeding you all the time while Aiba has gone the way of Nino and is subsisting on junk...”

“Jun-kun!”

Jun blinked at Ohno, who was still standing by the doorway of the studio, while Jun had walked a little bit further out. “What?”

“Maybe you should take care of yourself first, before you worry too much about others. I can’t look after you forever, you know.” Ohno was carrying Jun’s guitar case and held it up.

“I never asked you to look after me. You may our band leader, and my housemate, but you’re not my mom or anything.” He took the guitar from Ohno with a frown, but Ohno could tell from his voice that he was hurt by Ohno’s words.

Ohno sighed. “Sorry. It’s just, maybe you should lay off Nino for awhile, okay? Let him have his own thing now and then.” He looked at his watch. “Speaking of having our own things, I’m actually late for something, so I’ll see you back at the apartment tonight, okay?”

“But -” Jun barely got his words out before Ohno left. “But I was going to cook your favourite dishes tonight,” he said to the empty hallway. He wanted to make up for ditching Ohno for a date the other day, but Ohno didn’t seem to remember that they even made plans in the first place.

})i({

“Don’t you think the sound would be fuller if we added another guitar in this part?” Ryuta was asking Kazuki as they looked over the song arrangement. “Of course it depends on you since it’s your song, but I think adding something like this...” he paused, adjusted the guitar resting on his lap, and played a couple of refrains from the chorus.

“Hmm..” Kazuki listened thoughtfully. He usually felt possessive about his ‘babies’ but Ryuta’s suggestion was intriguing enough. And there was the fact that he just didn’t feel like arguing. He saw Ryuta so rarely now that Ryuta was always out with the new staff member. Kazuki glanced at Nino, who was talking to their producer about something, and wondered what it was about Nino that made it so easy for him to replace Kazuki, who had been Ryuta’s best friend since they were children.

})i({

“Ninomiya-kun, what are you doing here? Aren’t you busy with your own debut?”

“Ah, that...” Nino looked sheepish. “Cloud Chorus doesn’t seem to realise who I am, so I’m working part-time as one of their general staff? I hope you don’t mind, and keep it to yourself for now...”

As he talked to Kawashita-san, he sneaked a glance at Ryuta and Kazuki, who were hunched together with their guitars and a mess of papers before them. He knew that Kazuki felt a little left out, and he felt bad about it, but as far as he was concerned, he and Ryuta never got to hang out as much as they would like to.

The funny thing was, if anyone were to ask him exactly why he liked to spend so much time with Ryuta, Nino didn’t think he would be able to give a definite answer.

})i({

“Sho-chan, I -” Aiba paused at the quelling look Sho gave him, and realised that Sho wasn’t alone. “Sorry, I’ll wait outside,” he murmured, and stepped back out, closing the door behind him as to not disturb. He fidgeted at the corridor, and cursed himself for not asking how long Sho was going to take. Sho looked like he was in a serious conversation. Aiba wondered who the other man was. He didn’t think the middle-aged man worked for Voyager; despite being a big label, most of the staff were rather casual at work, which was one of the reasons why Aiba loved the place. The man talking to Sho looked too stern to be working there. _Unless he’s one of the big bosses?_

He stood outside the room for about twenty minutes before the door opened. Aiba watched as the stranger and Sho bowed to each other formally before the stranger took his leave without acknowledging Aiba’s presence. It rankled him, but he kept quiet until the man left, and there was no one at the corridor other than him and Sho. He sneaked a look at Sho, trying to gage his mood, but Sho’s face was a blank. When Sho turned to face him, though, his expression immediately lightened. “Aiba,” he said. “Sorry you had to wait. What was it that you wanted to talk about?”

“I... forgot.” Aiba tilted his head slightly, studying Sho, who was giving him a mystified expression. “Who was that man?”

Aiba regretted the question when Sho’s expression turned grim, but it wasn’t like he could take back his words. He just moved nearer to Sho. Sho took his hand and led them back into the green room, and closed the door. It was only then that he seemed to loosen up a little, his posture slackening as he pulled Aiba into a hug, rested his head on Aiba’s shoulders, and sighed.

“Sho-chan?” Aiba asked, startled. “What’s wrong?”

Sho didn’t answer, so Aiba just held him. He rarely went up to the green room for Sho’s private use; most of the time Sho would come down to hang out in Red Shift’s. He remembered Sho telling him that in the old days, when there were different classes of actors, an actor who used a green room for those above their station would be fined. _What a stupid policy_ , Aiba had said, sulking, making Sho laugh at him. He knew that things weren’t the same now, but he still felt a little out of place there. _Maybe it’s the reminder that he’s someone else, now_ , Aiba thought, thinking of the first time he saw Sho in a solo concert, and the first time Sho had announced that he was leaving Red Shift. _This is not good. I told myself I won’t think of those times anymore._

The sky outside was getting darker. Nino wasn’t going to be home that night, so Aiba wanted Sho to come over to his place instead. “Are you done for the day?” he asked quietly. “Because if I’m going to make dinner then we should leave early.”

“We could eat out,” Sho mumbled against Aiba’s shoulder.

“Sho-chan...” Aiba wanted to demand that Sho tell him what was wrong, but he stopped himself. He had told himself that he should stop doing all the things he used to do that might have caused Sho to leave him all those years ago.

“Sorry.” Sho pulled back from Aiba. “You just caught me at a bad time. That was my father’s lawyer.”

Aiba took awhile to digest the information. His hand found Sho’s, and gave them a squeeze, even as he guided Sho to sit on the sofa. The first time he visited, he was indignant about the fact that Sho’s green room had better furniture. Now he was just grateful. “What did he want?”

“My father’s... ill. My sister’s happily married, and living overseas right now. She doesn’t want to come back to take over the family business, and I don’t blame her. My brother’s too young.” Sho stared into the distance, and Aiba wondered what he was seeing. Old family memories, perhaps? If so, good or bad ones? He didn’t ask, and just shifted closer to Sho, leaning against the singer. “It’s just me, now,” Sho finished.

“Weren’t you supposed to inherit anyway?” Aiba asked tentatively. Sho rarely talked about his family, and Aiba didn’t want to push. Promised himself not to push. “You’re the oldest.”

“No. I cut all ties with my parents a long time ago.” His parents had been furious when he almost emptied out his trust fund the moment he was old enough to access it. Furious when he announced that he was going to stick with music after graduation, instead of ‘growing up’ and following his father’s footsteps. They had kept quiet about his endeavours while he was in school, they said, because they expected him to give up on his foolishness once he became an adult. “Choosing to go to my father’s old college was the last time I did what they told me.” 

He knew that ultimately it was his choice, but he resented his parents for making him choose - if he hadn’t gone to the school of their choice, they would have thrown him out and disinherited him before he could access the money his grandparents had put aside for him. He remembered how torn he had felt. It was still clear to him, the searing pain in his chest when he had told Aiba he was leaving. But he would be of no use to Aiba, had he been thrown out without even a single yen to his name. So he made his choice. A selfish choice, perhaps. But even now, he probably would have made the same choice. He did as his parents told him to, with the vague notion of leaving the family on his own terms, as soon as he was able to. When he finally left, he never looked back.

Until now.

Feeling warm, Sho looked down and saw that Aiba was rubbing his chest in a circular motion. “What are you doing?”

“Does it hurt, here?” Aiba continued rubbing, as if he understood and felt the ache Sho was feeling in his heart. “I’ll make it better.”

“Idiot,” Sho muttered, but he was smiling. His hand caught Aiba’s, holding them still. “I love you,” he said, quietly, and in a measured tone. Aiba responded with a wicked smile.

“I know.” Aiba pecked him on the cheek, before asking, “so why was your father’s lawyer here?”

Sho gave Aiba a long look, making Aiba shift uncomfortably, wondering if he shouldn’t have asked. But he answered, in the end. “Because of the current situation, my father wants to reinstate me as his heir.”

“I see.” They sat in silence for awhile, both deep in thought. Sho smiled when Aiba started humming to himself, as he was apt to do when he spent a long time thinking. “Are you going to do it?”

“I don’t know yet.”

Aiba nodded. “You should take your time thinking it over.” He was proud that he managed to say the words calmly, reassuringly, as if he wasn’t panicking inside. If Sho took over his father’s company, would that mean Sho would quit music? And what about Aiba - would there be room in his life for Aiba, then?

})i({

“You do realise that it’s kind of weird for guys to hold hands, right?” Ryuta was grinning as he spoke, and didn’t pull his hands away from Nino.

“What are you talking about? Aiba and I held hands all the time.”

“Well, you and Aiba are weird,” Ryuta said, causing Nino to roll his eyes. “You see, guys are supposed to rag on each other, not act all girly and ‘best friends forever!’”

Nino laughed. “So that’s how you and Kazuki are like?”

“I guess...” Ryuta never really thought about it. He was just teasing Nino. “Well, I think I rag on Kazuki more than he does to me.”

Nino didn’t mention the snapshot he saw from Cloud Chorus’s last live, plastered on Kazuki’s mirror, with the words “idiot” written over Ryuta’s head. Kazuki had also written “hunk” over his own picture, which really made Nino laugh, because it made him think of Aiba. In fact, Nino mused, if it wasn’t for the fact that they both seem to resent each other over Ryuta, he and Kazuki would probably get along famously.

He put the thought aside to be considered in a later time. 

While they were waiting to cross the road, Nino realised that the streets were crowded, but no one had recognised Ryuta at all. It seemed strange to him, when he had been mistaken for Ryuta several times, despite not having any resemblance to the singer. Ryuta only wore his hair a little differently, and wore different clothes than he usually did in public appearances, and managed to look perfectly normal. “How do you do it?” he asked.

“Do what?”

“Well,” Nino was about to explain, but suddenly he heard an all too familiar bass line. He suddenly remembered barely listening when he was being told something about Red Shift’s PV release for the new single. _Was it supposed to be today?_ He froze, and looked up to see the PV being aired on the giant screen before them. He was told that Voyager was going all out in promoting Red Shift - probably because Sho was involved, Nino thought - but he hadn’t counted on _this_. He swallowed, and looked down, even as the rest of the crowd were looking up, hooked by the sight and sound of Jun and Nino’s guitars competing with each other. He could feel Ryuta’s grip on his hand slacken, and didn’t protest when Ryuta pulled away.


	5. Chapter 5

Nino and Ryuta looked at each other in silence. The cafe they were in was a small one, usually overlooked in the crowded street because of the unassuming exterior and tinted windows. There were only one other customer, an awkward looking teenager lost in a book. She hadn’t even noticed the waiter that kept going over to refill her tea, much less Nino and Ryuta’s presence in the cafe. 

_Say something_ , Nino thought, but regretted it when Ryuta finally did.

“So why did you lie to me?”

Nino winced. “Technically, I didn’t _say_ I was a staff... you just assumed...”

Ryuta just gave Nino a pointed look, and Nino sighed, knowing that his argument was weak. 

“Were you really a Cloud Chorus fan, or was it another lie, some stupid joke you were playing?”

“I really was a fan,” Nino insisted. “I still am. I guess I just wanted a reason to spend time with you...” But that wasn’t it, not really. It was true that he had wanted to spend time with Ryuta, but it wasn’t why he lied. He had just wanted to have something that was just his, something that didn’t have anything to do with Red Shift.

It was Ryuta’s turn to sigh. “We could still hang out, you know, even if you weren’t our staff member. Even if you’re in another band.”

Nino paused. “So, how mad are you at me?”

“Hmm... it depends.” Ryuta grinned, and Nino wasn’t sure he liked that grin. To anyone else, it would look completely guileless, practically angelic, even. But Nino had seen Ryuta grin like that at Kazuki, and it always meant that something bad was about to happen to the guitarist. “I want to see how good you are, first.”

})i({

Aiba wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but it was kind of hard not to overhear Sho talking angrily on the phone. Sho’s mother had called to lecture him about responsibilities and being the oldest son and Aiba didn’t know what else, but Sho wasn’t taking it very well. Unsure if Sho really wanted him to be a witness to the argument, Aiba walked out to the living room, and settled himself down on the sofa. Drawing his knees up, Aiba closed his eyes and pretended that he couldn’t hear anything. He thought about what Sho might have done if he wasn’t there, if they weren’t back together. Sho would probably do what his parents wanted. _He always tried to, as much as he could._

He had to wonder if he was the reason Sho was so troubled recently. Aiba knew that Sho tried to keep it from him, but he noticed that Sho was quieter, and sometimes when Aiba was talking Sho seemed deep in thought about something else. He had noticed that Sho was more tired than usual, but Nino had said that it was only because Sho was juggling his solo career with the collaboration with Red Shift, and it was getting to him. Sho always tried to make time for Aiba no matter what; sometimes Aiba felt guilty because he knew that Sho wasn’t getting enough rest as it was, but he didn’t say anything, because he was happy that Sho was being attentive. Now, though, he wondered if he was just selfish.

_No wonder he broke up with me the last time_ , Aiba thought gloomily. _It doesn’t matter what I do, I keep holding him back._

})i({

Jun stared at the dining table, and wondered if he had gone crazy. He had cooked Ohno’s favourite foods, and he had made a _lot_. Even if he had asked Aiba, Nino and Sho over to help out in finishing the food, he doubted if they would manage it. And Ohno wasn’t even home yet.

He didn’t want to think about what it meant. He was just trying to apologise, and went overboard, he decided. After waiting for an hour, and it was slowly turning into two hours, Jun covered the food carefully and wrote a note to Ohno to explain. Ignoring the grumbling of his own stomach, he went to his room. He may be hungry, but somehow he didn’t feel like eating.

He had just changed into his pyjamas when his phone rang. He frowned when he saw the caller ID; Aiba rarely called him these days.

“Aiba?”

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Jun’s brows furrowed deeper. _Aiba called to say ‘hi’?_ “Is anything wrong?”

“...nothing. I guess I just wanted to talk to someone, and I don’t want to bother Nino right now.”

_What about Sho?_ Jun wanted to ask, but didn’t. Perhaps Aiba wanted to talk about Sho. Although Jun didn’t know why Aiba would call _his ex_ to talk about the person he was currently dating. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know, actually.” Jun heard a sigh on the other line. Aiba was talking quietly, as if he didn’t want to be overheard.

“Is someone else there?”

“Um, yeah. Sho-chan... he’s kind of on the phone with someone else too, right now.” Jun didn’t need to ask if Aiba also didn’t feel like ‘bothering’ Sho. _So I’m not even his second choice, huh?_ But he, too, needed a distraction from his brief bout of culinary insanity, so he replied as cheerfully as he could.

“Do you know, after you left the studio today our manager came down and said that a magazine actually asked for an interview? And not for a small piece at the ‘bands-to-check-out’ section, either - according to Kusano-san there will be a two-page article with a photo-shoot thrown in, can you believe it?”

“That’s funny, Sho-chan mentioned something like that, but...” Aiba and Jun continued talking about the interview and Red Shift for the next hour, and only stopped when Aiba said he and Sho were going out for dinner.

})i({

Nino followed Ryuta to a live house he hadn’t been to before. It was a medium-sized hall, and looked relatively new. “An acquaintance of mine just started this place recently,” Ryuta explained. “It’s not very well-known yet, although she has good contacts and gets good bands in every week.”

“I see...” Nino didn’t see what that had to do with them being there, though, but he wasn’t about to ask, having decided to go with whatever it was that Ryuta wanted from him. He followed Ryuta, who had nodded at several people they passed in recognition, and went straight to the backstage area. He hung back while Ryuta greeted some of the people there, and nodded politely at anyone Ryuta introduced him to.

“Hiro, can I borrow your guitar for a bit? Fuji’s, too, if you don’t mind,” Ryuta said, to the two guys chatting in a corner. Nino thought he recognised them, but he didn’t know where from. _Probably saw them live before_ , he figured. After getting their guitars, Ryuta passed one to Nino. “Here.”

“What are we doing with these?”

“I checked with my friend and she said we could play a couple of songs tonight before the first band was supposed to come onstage.” When Nino just blinked at him, Ryuta asked, “why, is there a problem?”

Nino could think of a lot of problems. Like the fact that they didn’t know what songs they both knew. Like the fact that they’ve never played together before. Like the fact that Ryuta might actually be slightly unhinged. “Umm, no.”

“Just follow my lead, and you’ll be fine,” Ryuta said, and there it was, Nino thought, that grin again. “Unless, of course, you make a complete fool of yourself, in which case I’d say it serves you right for lying to me.”

Even if Nino could think of a reply to that, which he couldn’t, which annoyed him because he _always_ had something to say about _everything_ , except when it came to Ryuta it seemed... even if he could think of a reply, he couldn’t. Because the first band was about to play in twenty minutes, and they were supposed to go on at that very moment.

})i({

After hanging up on his mother, and resolving nothing at all, Sho considered throwing his phone out of the window. _I suppose some people solve things that way_ , he thought resignedly, _but not me._ He tucked the phone into his pocket, took a deep breath, and went out to look for Aiba, hoping that Aiba wasn’t too upset about what had just happened.

He found his boyfriend chatting happily on the phone about some interview, and paused. _I guess it didn’t bother him at all?_ When Aiba noticed him and gave him an inquiring look, he gestured that it was time for them to leave for dinner. Aiba made excuses to the person he was talking to and hung up. “That was Jun,” Aiba told him, as he got up from the sofa. “He was so excited about the magazine interview we’re doing, that I kind of got caught up in it, too. But I didn’t have the heart to tell him that they’re only interviewing _you_ about Red Shift. And it’s for an idol magazine, which would probably give Jun a heart attack if he knew,” Aiba added as an afterthought. “Hmm.”

“So if you didn’t tell him all that, what _did_ you tell him?” Sho asked, amused.

“Well, he was trying to imagine what sort of questions they might ask and we talked about interviews of some of our favourite bands and questions they were asked and what we might answer if we were asked the same questions, and uh I guess we came up with questions of our own?”

“Hmm.” Sho didn’t know what to say to that. On the one hand, he felt sorry for Jun, who was getting excited for nothing. On the other hand, he really wanted to know what questions Aiba thought up, because he was sure that they would be interesting. “Where’d you want to go for dinner?”

“I can choose?” Aiba’s smile widened. “Well, then there’s this place that Nino and I found the other day...”

The two of them left the apartment with matching smiles, Sho listening as Aiba went on and on about things that he and Nino talked about, waiting for Aiba to give him the name and location of the restaurant. His earlier argument with his mother had been completely forgotten. Aiba, too, have forgotten why he had called Jun in the first place, now that he was talking happily with Sho. _Things are just fine, as long as it stays the same_ , he thought. He hoped that things would stay the same for them.

})i({

It was the longest twenty minutes of Nino’s life, and one of the most rewarding. Even though he and Ryuta never really played together, he was used to Ryuta’s playing, having been a Cloud Chorus fan for sometime, and having spent his days listening to Ryuta at the studio. Since Ryuta took the lead, all Nino had to do was to improvise - it would be easy to try to channel Kazuki’s playing, but he had wanted Ryuta to see him for who he was, finally, and so he accompanied Ryuta in his own way. They sounded good together, he decided. A little strange, perhaps, since it was their first time playing together, but the overall effect wasn’t too bad, judging from the response from the crowd. Of course, that may have something to do with the fact most of them recognised Ryuta.

Ryuta was asked to sit in with a couple of other bands afterwards, and Nino wandered out of the backstage area by himself. He wanted to see Ryuta from the crowd’s point of view. 

“Nino.”

Hearing the familiar voice, he turned. “Ohno. How come you’re here?”

“One of my ex-bands are performing here tonight, so I thought I’d come and watch. I was surprised to see you, though.”

“Ah, yeah.” Nino looked sheepish. “Kinda sucked tonight, huh?”

“Well, it’s not the usual you, but it was good.” Ohno smiled. “So this is the secret you’ve been keeping from us?”

“Not really.” Nino considered. “Well, sort of. But not really. Putting that aside, why are you here and not home?”

Ohno frowned. “I told you, one of my ex-bands are performing.”

“I know that,” Nino said, rolling his eyes. “What I meant is, why are you here when Jun has been talking about making you a special dinner the whole week?”

“What are you talking about? He didn’t say anything.”

“He just told me and Aiba, because it was supposed to be a surprise for you, I guess, but surely he’s mentioned that he expects you to be back for dinner?”

“No, he didn’t.” Ohno tried to recall what Jun told him when he said he was going out. “He didn’t say anything.”

“Knowing him, he’ll probably be waiting up for you all night.”

“I...” Ohno cursed. “You’re probably right. I should go now.”

Nino watched Ohno hurry towards the exit, and shook his head. “Idiots, the both of them.” Then he turned back to face the stage, and considered his own anticipation of seeing Ryuta perform. He had seen Cloud Chorus perform many times before, and he had seen friends perform before. None of those performances made him feel quite the same way. _That makes three of us, I guess. Idiots, all of us._


	6. Chapter 6

Jun was lying in bed, staring at the patterns on the ceiling. His hand was still clutching his phone, and he thought of Aiba. It had been awhile, he realised, since he really thought of Aiba. He knew something was bothering the bassist, but he also knew that if Aiba didn’t want to talk about it, there was no use pushing. After all, Aiba had kept the subject of Sho pretty much a secret for the five years they knew each other.

When he heard a sound coming from the living room, he sat up. _Is he back?_ Jun got up from the bed and went over to his door, opening it quietly. The lights were on, so he supposed Ohno must be back. He opened the door wider and stepped out to find his roommate, who was looking at the feast laid out on the table with eyes as big as saucers.

“I kind of went overboard with it, sorry,” Jun said.

“I could see that.” Ohno made a mental check to shop for groceries the next day, because surely Jun had used up everything they had. He sat down at the table, asking, “what about you? Have you eaten?”

“I was waiting for you.”

Ohno gave Jun a strange look, and gestured at the food. “Lets eat, then. It’ll take some time to finish all this.” _Assuming we don’t explode first._

“You don’t have to eat everything, you know,” Jun muttered, suddenly feeling stupid. _Why did I think it was a good idea to do this in the first place?_

“But you took all the trouble to make these! Of course I have to finish it. I _want_ to finish it,” Ohno insisted, and vigorously piled food onto his plate to prove his point.

Jun just flashed him a sheepish grin, one he hadn’t seen in awhile now, before joining him at the table.

})i({

“Sho-chan?”

“Hmm?”

After dinner, they had went back to Aiba & Nino’s apartment. They didn’t really do much; Aiba wanted to go out, but he knew that Sho was tired, so instead they lounged in the living room. Sho was watching the late night news while Aiba was flipping through an old magazine.

“What was your first impression of me?”

Aiba looked up at Sho when he asked the question, wanting to see the other’s expression. Sho just looked thoughtful, and asked back, “do you really want to know?”

“If I didn’t, why would I ask?” Aiba replied flippantly, but when Sho suddenly seemed amused he wondered if he shouldn’t have asked.

“I thought you were kind of strange and that you talked too much.” Sho just laughed when Aiba hit him with the magazine. “You wanted the truth! Anyway, I soon decided that I liked people who were strange, and talked too much.”

“Lucky me,” Aiba muttered. “Well, I thought you were kind of stand offish and too quiet and stiff. But then I realised that you were just _shy_.”

“I wasn’t _shy_ ,” Sho retorted, looking a little flustered. 

“You were, too,” Aiba insisted. “And awkward. You were _very_ awkward.” He chuckled when Sho made a face at him. “I thought Nino was just using you for the English homework and the music lessons.”

“I was that uninteresting, huh.”

“You were lots of fun,” Aiba said reassuringly, patting Sho on the knee. “After I got to know you better, that is.” 

“I’m glad,” Sho said drily, as he picked up the remote, and switched off the television. “Come on, lets sleep.”

“I thought you have to head back to Voyager in a couple of hours,” Aiba said, but he let Sho lead him to the bedroom, suppressing a yawn. 

“Exactly. I have at hour or so to sleep.” Sho spoke lightly, but Aiba noticed that Sho was looking a little pale. 

“Do you have a headache again?” he asked. “Nevermind,” he said quickly, knowing that Sho would deny it anyway. “You go to bed first; I’ll get you some painkillers just in case, okay? You need to relax before you go back to work!”

})i({

Ryuta stopped when he saw the figure waiting in front of his apartment door.

“Hey,” he said cautiously.

“Hey.” Kazuki gave him a mock salute with one hand, and raised another, revealing a grocery bag from the 24-hour store across the street. “I come bearing beer. And good will. Lots of good will. I think.”

Ryuta smiled, and shooed Kazuki aside so that he could unlock the door. “What are you doing here so late?”

“Nothing. Do I need a reason to visit with my best friend?”

“I guess not.” Ryuta held the door open, letting Kazuki in first. He knew that he hadn’t been spending time with Kazuki as much as he used to. “So... what’s up?”

“I heard from Chama that you were playing at Ozeki’s. With Ninomiya-kun.” Kazuki kept his tone casual, as he made a bee-line for the fridge to store the drinks. 

“Oh... yeah. It was a spontaneous thing, actually. I didn’t even know if Sheri-chan had a free spot for us, but she managed to squeeze us in.”

“I see.” Kazuki looked thoughtful as he threw a can in Ryuta’s direction. Ryuta caught it mid-air, but just set it aside as Kazuki sipped from his own newly opened can. “Ne, Ryuta.”

“What?” The two of them had grown up together, and Ryuta had always thought of Kazuki as the brother he never had. They knew each other very well, and Ryuta knew from Kazuki’s tone that he was in one of his rare, serious moods. 

“What’s with you and that guy, anyway?”

“I’m not sure.” He wasn’t lying. He really didn’t know what he was doing with Nino. But he liked spending time with the older boy.

“But you’re friends.”

“I guess.”

“ _Best_ friends.”

Ryuta frowned, getting at Kazuki’s meaning. “It’s not like that. Really. My relationship with Ninomiya is nothing like ours, or, from what I’ve heard, like his with his best friend. It’s different.”

“How different?”

“I don’t know! Just... different, I guess.” Ryuta was beginning to sound exasperated. Kazuki was never like this before. But then again, Ryuta had never let anyone monopolise his time as much as he was now, either. 

“Hmm...” Kazuki gave Ryuta a meaningful look, but didn’t pursue the subject. “Well, was he good? You played together, right?”  
“He’s great.” Ryuta smiled, remembering. “Different. I guess it’s because I’ve been playing with you and Cloud Chorus for so long, that I forget that it’s different with everybody. It’s refreshing, really. Electrifying... what? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You _like_ him.” Kazuki was grinning now, his sleepy eyes twinkling with amusement. He hadn’t seen Ryuta like this before. 

“Don’t be stupid,” Ryuta snapped. “We’re friends, that’s all.”

“Uh huh.” Kazuki changed the subject after that, but he never stopped grinning, and he filed away the information for later use. It was rare that he found something good to tease Ryuta about.

})i({

Hearing the rattling of keys outside, Aiba went to open the door for Nino. “How’s your day?”

“Fine.” Nino spoke grumpily, but he looked happy. “Where’s Sho? He was supposed to come over, I thought?”

“He just left. Got called back to Voyager for something.” Aiba shrugged.

“Does that happen a lot?” Nino asked.

“Now and then.” Aiba yawned.

“Go to sleep,” Nino said, before yawning himself. “Me, too,” he mumbled. 

“I was asleep,” Aiba replied. “I just woke up to see Sho off.”

“I think he can manage to go to work without you waking up, you know,” Nino said drily. He patted Aiba on the back and headed straight to bed, wishing that they didn’t have to leave for the studio so early the next morning. _Oh, wait... it’s morning already, isn’t it?_

Aiba blinked, the sleepiness clearing away. _Sho could manage to go to work without waking me up_. He knew that, and still he had woken up. He supposed it was because a part of him knew that if Sho wasn’t spending time with him, Sho would’ve gotten a lot more rest than he did.

})i({

Sho closed his eyes in the backseat. Usually he would drive himself, but Aiba had convinced him to call his personal assistant to pick him up. “Sorry for troubling you, An-chan.”

“It’s not a problem.”

He nodded. “Thank you.” He didn’t know what he would do without her. And he especially didn’t know how he had managed so long without Aiba. As the car sped along the empty street, Sho found himself wishing to get his work done as soon as possible, so that he could go back home to Aiba.


	7. Chapter 7

Aiba peered blearily into the kitchen, and saw Nino making a pot of coffee. “Why are you up so early?” he asked. “We’re not supposed to go in the studio until noon.” Perhaps it was one of the benefits of having to arrange their schedule to Sho’s; Sho was almost always busy, and during that time, the rest of Red Shift were almost always free. Sometimes they would have work that didn’t require Sho, but even with the extra lives and radio appearances and practice, they had a lot of free time. 

“No reason. Just couldn’t sleep.” Aiba moved closer and rested his chin on Nino’s shoulder.

“Mmm... coffee. Smells nice,” he said happily.

Nino tried to shrug him off, but Aiba wouldn’t budge, so he just ignored his best friend. “Why are _you_ up so early?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Aiba admitted. He had been thinking about Sho. Perhaps he shouldn’t see Sho so often when Sho was this busy; he knew from An-chan that Sho was starting to get bad migraines, even if Sho had kept it from him. 

“Ne, Aiba-chan,” Nino suddenly said. 

Aiba took his chin off Nino’s shoulder and shifted so that he could look at his friend. “What?”

“What’s it like, with Sho?”

“What do you mean?” Aiba turned a little pink. “The sex?”

Nino made a choking noise, and coughed when Aiba patted his back. “ _No_! I don’t want to hear about that... ever. Okay? Both of you are my best friends and...” he made a face that eloquently showed his disgust, “thinking of the two of you having a sex life is as bad as imagining one’s parents doing it. Probably,” he considered. It wasn’t like he knew his father, so he couldn’t even imagine imagining something like that.

Aiba stuck his tongue out. “It’s your loss, because I have pretty interesting stories to tell.” He was still rather red, but his lips twisted into a teasing grin.

Nino wasn’t in the mood for teasing, though. He said in a pensive tone, “what I meant was, how do you feel about him? Because I don’t know. Sometimes you don’t seem too happy to me, even though you say you are. But I remember how you were when he left, and I wonder... you say you’re in love; does that mean that one can’t ever be truly happy when they’re in love?”

The grin disappearing, Aiba’s eyes turned to the coffee, studying it while thinking about Nino’s question. “I _am_ happy, though. Deliriously so.” He shot Nino a quick smile before reverting back to seriousness. “But it’s a strange kind of happiness, because everything’s connected to him, somehow. It’s like when I see him laugh I feel laughter and warmth bubbling up inside of me, even if I have no idea what it was that’s so funny. When he’s not around, I miss him so much that I get edgy, always wondering when would be the next time I’d see him. I think that’s probably partly because I have abandonment issues, you know, because... well, you know why. When he’s around all I want to do is get close to him, to be with him. Not even necessarily to get all sexy with each other or anything, but just to be with him. It’s like his presence is all I need.” He paused. “I’m not sure how normal that is, though. It’s probably weird.”

“No,” Nino said, but his voice sounded strange to Aiba. “It’s not weird at all. Thanks.”

Aiba didn’t know why Nino thanked him, or why Nino was now leaving the kitchen, without first pouring himself a cup of coffee now that it was done, but he just watched as his best friend walked away, only to turn back to look at Aiba when he reached the kitchen entrance. “What about Jun? Was it like that with him?”

Looking uncomfortable, Aiba shook his head. “I liked being with Jun,” he said. “It’s easy. But it’s not the same.” Thinking back on his past relationship with Sho, he had expected Sho to do what he wanted all of the time. It was almost as if he kept wanting Sho to prove his feelings for Aiba - he had wanted Sho to put aside his family, his studies, and even the band, and his career, to spend more time with him. Jun would probably have done all of that if he asked, but he realised even early on that their relationship was a little one-sided because of that. He sometimes thought that he dated Jun just to prove to himself that there _was_ someone who would do all of that for him, even if Sho wouldn’t. He couldn’t explain all of this to Nino, though. 

It didn’t seem to matter, because Nino just nodded thoughtfully, and left.

})i({

When Nino and Aiba walked into the studio that afternoon, they found Jun and Ohno looking a little green, as if they were sick. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Ohno said. “Just ate a little too much last night.” He then glanced at Jun, who was looking guilty, and continued quickly, “Sho is going to be a little late, but Yamanaka-san intercom-ed to say that we could use the time to practise before they’re here.”

Aiba frowned. “There wasn’t a problem with the recording on his side, was there?”

“No, his work is doing fine,” Ohno reassured. “I checked with Yamanaka-san. Actually he has guests right now, which is why he’s delayed.”

Aiba remembered the stern looking man he had seen talking to Sho the other day. Sho’s family lawyer, or something - Aiba couldn’t remember. “I’m going up,” he said.

“Aiba -” Jun started, but Nino shook his head, and he fell silent as the three of them watched Aiba leave the studio.

})i({

> _Are you free right now?_

Nino stole a look at Ohno and Jun, who were sitting in the corner talking. Ohno was twirling one of his drumsticks in his right hand, while Jun was absently strumming on his guitar. Nino knew that they might not notice if he just left the studio, and he was tempted to do just that. Instead, he sighed, and typed out a reply to Ryuta - _Sorry. In the studio right now._

> _I see. When will you be done for the day? We finished recording earlier than expected, and I thought you might want to go to Ozeki’s again. And there’s a new song I’m working on that I want your opinion about._

Nino pushed away a wave of irritation at the way his heart leapt in anticipation. He didn’t need to see Ryuta every damned day. He thought of Aiba describing his feelings about Sho, and scowled. He definitely didn’t miss Ryuta when he wasn’t around, he decided. If he was a little empty inside, it was only because he was hungry. He wasn’t Aiba. He loved his best friend, he really did. But Nino would never let anyone have the power to hurt him, the way Sho did with Aiba. So he ignored Ryuta’s message, and reached for his backpack to take out his DS.

})i({

Aiba paused when he reached the door to Sho’s green room. He didn’t know what he was doing there, really. He just went up because he was worried, but now he wondered what exactly he was worried about. He couldn’t think of a concrete reason to knock on the door, to walk in. So he stood there instead.

A staff member walked by and Aiba stepped back, thinking that he should return to his band. But the staff member just smiled at Aiba - everyone who worked for Sho had guessed at the pop star’s relationship with Aiba, but no one talked about it out loud. “Here to visit Sakurai-san?” 

“Y-yeah,” Aiba stuttered, and bit his lips for a moment. _This isn’t good, is it?_ “But I heard that he’s busy, so I’ll just come back later.”

The girl shook her head. “He’s in a meeting, but it’s not really a formal one.” She knocked on the door before Aiba could stop her. “Sakurai-san,” she called out. “Aiba-san is here; should he come back later?”

There was a pause before the door opened. Sho looked at the two of them, and smiled. “Thanks,” he said to the girl, who just smiled back at him and continued on her way. Sho was still smiling after she left, but Aiba noticed that the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“Sorry,” Aiba said. “I was going to come back, but she said you weren’t that busy...”

“I’ll be down in a bit,” Sho said. “Since you’re here, why don’t you come in? She brought my brother - so that I’ll be in better behaviour, probably - but she’s being impossible and I don’t know if just his presence is enough.”

Aiba didn’t really understand what Sho was telling him, but he walked into the green room. He froze when he saw the woman sitting on the couch - Sho’s mother. He heard Sho close the door behind him, and felt Sho’s hand slipping into his, but his mind didn’t really register any of it. At the corner of the room was Sho’s brother, sitting by the window, looking outside apprehensively. The boy looked young, like he was still in high school, or perhaps in his first year in college. 

“Sho, what’s the meaning of this?” 

The woman’s voice was cold. It surprised Aiba. He had only seen Sho’s mother from afar, but he had always thought that all mothers were warm, like his. He knew that Sho’s mother was far from nurturing, but he thought that deep inside, she must have loved her children very much. What mother wouldn’t love a son like Sho? But Aiba couldn’t hear the tone she was speaking in and imagine that she loved anyone at all. He wanted to leave the room, but Sho’s hand was still holding his.

“I don’t want to have anything to do with the company,” Sho said evenly. “I like my life now. You want me to settle down? I’ve already done that, mother. With him.” Sho held out their entwined hands, almost as proof. Aiba turned to Sho, staring. _Is he crazy, telling his mother about us?_ Then, thinking about Sho’s words, he looked at the woman again. She wasn’t even looking at Aiba. She wasn’t angry, she wasn’t sad. She just looked at her son with frost in her eyes. Sho's brother, however, was startled, and stared at Aiba in wide-eyed curiosity. Aiba looked away from him, his eyes falling to the coffee table, and the scattered folders on it.

“You’re being a fool,” Sho’s mother said calmly. “I suppose you always have been one.” She stood up in one fluid motion, and said, “look at them properly, and think about it. After all,” she said, finally turning to look at Aiba with distaste, “you’re going to wake up one day, regretting that you’ve wasted your life on _this_.”

Sho’s grip on Aiba’s hand tightened, and Aiba winced. He watched in silence as the woman swept past them and out of the room, while Sho’s brother trailed her from behind. Aiba carefully extracted his hand from Sho’s, and laughed uncomfortably.

“So,” he said, “that’s your mom, huh?”

Sho didn’t say anything, so Aiba just went to sit at the couch the woman had been sitting on, and picked up the folders on the coffee table. He flipped the first one open, and whistled at the photograph of the beautiful woman inside it. “Wow. Your mother really have high standards. This girl is _really pretty_... and she’s from a good family, too.” He closed the folder and put it aside, opening the next one. “This one is even prettier! But her family background is just so-so... but she’s a lawyer, that’s kind of cool. You might like this one.”

“Throw it out,” Sho snapped, causing Aiba to jerk in surprise. “Throw all of them out.”

“But, Sho-chan, your mother went through all the trouble finding these girls for your _miai_ ; you should at least look at them. You might even _like_ them, you know...?” _What am I saying?_ he wondered. _Am I seriously asking him to consider these girls?_ But he thought that Sho should know his options. Sho’s mother was right - Aiba, too, didn’t want Sho to regret wasting so many opportunities because of Aiba.

He laughed nervously when Sho didn’t answer. “Anyway,” he said, putting aside the folders, stacking them neatly on the coffee table, “we should be heading down to the studio now.”

He was already reaching for the door when Sho said his name. He didn’t turn around. “What.”

“I love you.”

Aiba squeezed his eyes shut, thinking about what Nino had asked him that morning. 

_Does that mean that one can’t ever be truly happy when they’re in love?_

“I know,” he said, as cheerfully as he could manage. “Come on, we’re late enough as it is.”


	8. Chapter 8

“You’re kind of quiet lately.”

Sho glanced up at Nino, who stood over him. Nino was already holding his backpack, about to leave the studio. “I thought you left with Aiba.” 

Nino shrugged. “He’s got somewhere else to go.” He sat next to Sho, and asked, “is everything okay with the two of you?”

“I think so.” Sho didn’t look too convinced as he spoke. Aiba had been kind of distracted lately, and distant. He had thought that Aiba would be mad to find out that Sho’s mother was trying to arrange an _omiai_ for him, but instead Aiba had seemed... encouraging. It confused Sho. His chest tightened just thinking about it, and he breathed in sharply. “Why, did he say anything to you?”

“He said he’s happy.”

“Good.” Sho pulled at his own bag idly, even though he had already packed to leave. “That’s good.”

“You know, both of you are really crappy liars.”

Sho looked at Nino, who was smiling at him. He returned it with a half-smile. “Want to go out? I was supposed to be with Aiba today, but he said he’s going out with you, but since you said he had other plans...” he knew that he was speaking too quickly and that he was using too many 'buts' in his sentence. He couldn't help it. Thinking about Aiba's recent behaviour was starting to weigh on him.

Nino’s smile transformed into a grin. “You’re paying. And I know the _perfect_ place to go.” As both of them got up, Nino’s phone beeped, and he pulled it out to check his mail. His grin disappeared, as he looked studiously aloof for a moment.

“Something important?”

Nino blinked at Sho, as if just remembering the singer’s presence. “It’s nothing,” he murmured. “Nothing important at all.” He switched off his phone before placing it back in his pocket.

})i({

Ryuta stared at his phone. Three messages, he thought. Three messages that Nino hadn’t replied to. Normally that wouldn’t have been so strange, had it been anyone else, but Nino _always_ replied, and always did so immediately. Ryuta’s expression must have looked particularly forlorn, because Kazuki pulled the phone from his hands, and said, “you’re pathetic. You know that?”

Ryuta just looked at Kazuki like a puppy that had just been kicked. Kazuki cursed internally, wondering how could someone who was usually such a sadist have such an innocent looking face. He gave the phone back to the singer. “Call him.”

“I tried, but he switched off his phone.”

“Then go find him,” Kazuki said, frustrated. “He’s from the same company; it’s not like he could avoid you forever.”

“He’s not avoiding me,” Ryuta said, pouting. “Is he?”

Kazuki decided that it was probably best not to answer. “Genki and I are going to see Chama after dinner, want to come?”

“It’s okay. I’m kind of tired, so I think I’ll head straight for home. Where’s Genki, anyway?”

“Rooftop. Smoking.” Kazuki pushed the green room’s door open and let Ryuta out first. However, Ryuta only walked a few steps ahead of him before stopping. “Ryuta, _move_.” It was only when he said those words that he noticed the two figures walking down the hallway.

“...see, what happens if you choose the mage is that you don’t get much of a choice of starting points at all, because you’re trapped in this boring building...” Nino paused for a moment as the passed by the green room, and his eyes met Ryuta’s. He held them for only a brief second or two before turning back to Sho, continuing excitedly, “so of course then you’d think it’d be more fun to be a warrior or something, because then at least you have more choices, right? _Wrong_. What happens when you do that is...”

Ryuta started when Kazuki pushed him forwards. “Stop standing in front of the doorway like an idiot,” the guitarist said, but he, too, was looking down the hallway. Sho and Nino had already turned into a corner, and disappeared. “That was Sakurai Sho with him, wasn’t it?”

Cloud Chorus’s singer could only nod, as he wondered why he was finding it hard to breathe.

})i({

Aiba couldn’t breathe. He had managed to act normally during their recording session, but the moment it was over he started to feel like he was suffocating, and he had to leave, no matter what. “Thanks for coming with me,” he said in a low voice.

“I don’t mind,” Jun replied. The two of them walked slowly, as if they were just learning again how to keep in step with one another. Aiba reflected that they hadn’t spent any time alone, just the two of them, since they broke up. “Are you feeling better?”

“I’m fine.” Aiba was thinking about Sho. “Hey, Jun-chan,” he said, reverting to the nickname he rarely used, even when they were together, “why did you break up with me?”

Jun thought for awhile before answering. “I wanted you to be happy,” he finally said. “And you weren’t.” His hand reached out to give Aiba’s a small squeeze. “I’m glad for you now, you know.”

“Sho told his mother about us today,” Aiba said, his voice betraying none of the feelings he was drowning in. 

“That’s good, isn’t it?” It wasn’t the slight ache he felt from the news that surprised Jun; it was the happiness that accompanied it. 

Aiba didn’t reply. Stopping at a vending machine, he said, “let’s have something to drink.” He dug into his pocket for his wallet, but Jun was already inserting money into the machine.

“My treat, then. I should be thanking you, really. I don’t particularly feel like going home straight away tonight.”

Aiba watched as Jun got their drinks, and motioned towards an empty bench. As they sat, Aiba asked, “when you love someone, it’s normal to want them to be happy, right?”

“Mmm. I guess.” Jun thought of the time when he and Aiba were together. Aiba was easy enough to _entertain_ , but he didn’t know if he ever made Aiba happy. _Oh-chan is always peacefully content with his lot in life, and doesn’t need much from anyone else_ , he thought, before realising where his train of thought had led him. _It’s not weird to want him to be happy_ , he rationalised. _We’ve been roommates for years now. Of course I care about his happiness._

“What if they’d be happier with someone else?”

“Are you still feeling bad about something that happened years ago?” Jun asked. “Because you don’t have to. It’s true that I loved you, but seeing you happy with Sho now is good, too.”

“It is?” 

“Yes. I admit, I was hurt that you didn’t tell me about him before, but once I got over that and realised how good the two of you are together, I feel glad for you.” 

Aiba smiled, but the smile lacked the radiance Jun was used to. “Thanks, Jun.” He looked up to the sky, thinking of the stars that he couldn’t see, that he used to look at through Nino’s telescope back home. He had made up his mind. _A few more weeks_ , he told himself. That was all he needed. “I missed talking with you like this.”

His throat suddenly dry, Jun said, “I missed you, too.”

})i({

Nino checked his mail for the fourteenth time since he switched his phone back on, right after they arrived at the cafe. He had finished a plate of spaghetti, a couple of sandwiches, and shared a desert with Sho - well, Sho had a couple of spoonfuls of the desert. Nino ate the rest. His eyes went to his phone throughout dinner.

“Waiting for an important call?” Sho asked. He had never seen Nino so agitated before. He looked at his own meal, which he wasn’t able to finish. Before he could offer it to Nino, the guitarist had put aside his phone and reached for the fettucini, placing his own empty plate in front of Sho.

“Not really,” Nino said between mouthfuls. “Just thought that Aiba might be looking for us or something.”

Sho wanted to comment that Nino was a bad liar, too, but decided not to. Whatever Nino’s problem was, he would tell Sho when he was ready. “My mother came by today,” he told Nino. It may have been Aiba’s first time meeting her today, but Nino had met her several times in high school.

“What’d she want?”

“Oh, you know. The usual. ‘Teen rebellion was fine when you’re a teen, not when you’re reaching thirty. It’s time to grow up and learn the ropes at your father’s company. Oh, by the way, here are some nice _omiai_ candidates I chose for you.’” Sho mimicked his mother’s voice as he spoke. 

Nino laughed. “She really doesn’t have a clue, does she?” 

Sho smiled. “No. No, she doesn’t.” He felt relief loosening him up a little. Nino understood. Nino always did.

“So what’d she do when you told her to fuck off?”

“She gave up.”

“Really?”

“No, not really.” Sho grimaced. “If only it were that easy. She thinks that I’m going to change my mind. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell her I won’t. Even when I told her about Aiba -”

“Wait. You what?”

“I told her about Aiba.”

Nino’s smile grew wide. “That must’ve shocked her.”

“She didn’t even blink.” Sho picked up his mug and downed the last of his coffee. “The thing is, I can deal with her. I’ve put up with her for years, and it doesn’t bother me so much anymore.” Sho thought that he could put up with much worse, as long as he had Aiba. “But I feel sorry for my brother. He came with her today, and he looked so... defeated, in a way. She’s been hard on him, too, probably.”

“How’s your father doing?”

“He’s dying,” Sho said flatly. He didn’t really want to talk about it. Thinking about his father only brought up more conflicted feelings. He hadn’t even visited his father since he heard the news. A part of him was afraid that if he saw his father, he might find himself agreeing to his parents’ plans for him. He may have gotten used to dealing with his mother, but he was always weak when it came to his father.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Nino said quietly. He thought of how small his own hesitations and insecurities felt when he compared them to what Sho must be feeling right now. He glanced at his phone again. Perhaps he should apologise to Ryuta, or at least explain that they shouldn’t see each other too often, that things were getting too confusing between them.


	9. Chapter 9

Sho only just reached home when his phone rang. He checked the caller ID, and immediately answered. "Aiba? Where are you?"

"Sho-chan?" There was a pause, and Sho could hear loud noises in the background. Something that sounded like a bell ringing, and cars passing. Someone was shouting, but Sho couldn't make out what they were saying. "Can I go over to your place?"

"Of course. I just got back myself; I was out with Nino,” Sho said pointedly, remembering that Aiba had told him he was going to see Nino.

“Oh... yeah. I really was going to be with him, but something came up. I’m out with Jun right now. So I’ll see you later?”

“‘Kay... just call me when you’re-” Sho jumped when he heard the knock on his door. Since he was still standing in front of the door, he turned the knob and opened the door to see Aiba outside. He immediately hung up. “What if I wasn’t home?”

“I guess I would’ve waited, probably?” Aiba gave Sho an impish smile as he walked in. He let Sho lock up first before pulling Sho into a quick kiss on the lips. Sho looked amused.

“Are you all right?” Sho asked. “You’ve been acting strange all day.”

“Wanting to see you is strange?” Aiba pouted at Sho, but quickly grinned again. “I just missed you, that’s all.”

“While I love spending my time with you, too,” Sho said, “I’m kind of glad that I was with Nino tonight. We haven’t had a real talk, like we used to in high school, in a long time.” 

“That’s good,” Aiba said, his arm wrapped around Sho’s waist, and half-leaning against the pop star. He yawned. “I’m kind of sleepy,” he admitted.

Sho responded by wrapping his own arms around Aiba, but he continued talking. “Talking with Nino made me realise one thing. We’ve been spending more time together, true, but we haven’t really talked about things that much. Not like we used to. And it’s great to talk about these things with Nino, but I kind of need to do that with you. Aiba, are you listening to me?” Aiba’s hands found themselves under his shirt, absently trailing figures on his bare skin.

“Mmm?” Aiba only looked at Sho wide-eyed. “Of course I’m listening to you, Sho-chan.” He pulled away from Sho suddenly, and gave Sho a slow smile. “We can talk any time.”

})i({

Sho was still groggy and refusing to leave the warmth of his bed when the phone rang. He groaned. _Don’t tell me I’m late_ , he thought, deciding to ignore the call if it was Yamanaka-san. But he was surprised to find that it was Nino. “Morning,” he greeted, trying not to sound too grouchy.

“Aiba spent the night there, didn’t he? Did you talk to him properly, like you said you would?”

“Ah...” Sho sat up, and glanced at the sleeping form next to him. “Not really.”

“Idiot,” Sho heard Nino mutter, before the guitarist hung up. Sho blinked at his phone, wondering if Nino called just to ask the one question. He was still looking at it when it rang again.

“Yeah?”

“I forgot, did he tell you where’d he go yesterday? Because he was kind of secretive when I asked him.” _Look at who’s talking_ , Sho wanted to retort, thinking of Nino’s evasiveness when it came to questions about his own life. 

“He was just out with Jun,” Sho said casually. He waited a beat for Nino’s reply, but Nino had fallen silent. “Why?”

“Oh... nothing,” Nino said uneasily. “Did he say why he was out with Jun?”

“Not really. Does it matter?” Sho looked at the alarm clock by his side table, and picked it up with his free hand.

“I guess not. I’ll see you later, then.” The second time Nino hung up, Sho just put his phone aside, and started programming the clock to wake Aiba up in time for his photo-shoot that day. All of the Red Shift members were going at different times, and Aiba still had a couple of hours before he had to get ready. Sho wasn’t involved in this particular shoot, but he had a meeting with Yamanaka-san that morning before going to the studio, so he had to leave earlier.

He leaned over to brush a stray lock from Aiba’s face, and spent a few moments just looking at the sleeping form, before stretching and getting up from bed.

})i({

Aiba was surprised to find Nino waiting in the green room when he arrived. Nino was the first to do that day’s photo-shoot, and he thought that Nino would have gone home by now. He took a long look at his best friend, taking in the ugly green jacket and matching shorts. Nino hadn’t changed out of the clothes he was given yet.

“They said that I could keep the outfit if I wanted,” Nino said casually. “Since no one else would wear something so hideous. I think it’s wonderfully ironic as a fashion statement, though, don’t you?”

“If you say so,” Aiba replied, raising an eyebrow. He hoped that he wouldn’t have to wear something like that.

“Sho said you were with Jun last night.”

It was just like Nino, Aiba thought, to suddenly attack without any warning. “Yes, I was,” he said carefully. “When did Sho tell you?”

“I called him this morning. Don’t change the subject.” Nino gave Aiba a long look. “Sho doesn’t know about you and Jun, does he?” He didn’t think Sho would be so easy about the fact that Aiba was out with Jun, if he had known.

Aiba shrugged. “There’s nothing going on between me and Jun.”

“But you haven’t been with him, outside of band stuff, in a long time.”

Aiba didn’t argue with that. He couldn’t; Nino was only saying the truth. “So maybe now we’re okay with it again.”

“You’re not thinking of leaving Sho, are you?” When he saw Aiba’s startled, revealing expression, his own hardened. “You’re really fucking selfish, you know that?”

“I don’t see why it’s any of your business,” Aiba spoke lightly, but his voice was trembling. “Anyway, Sho would be better off without me; that’s not being selfish.”

“Says who?” Nino countered. “You? Jun? Sho’s mother?” He shook his head. “Have you ever thought about what Sho might think about that?”

“He’s given up too much for me already!” Aiba snapped. “I’m not even sure how much of what he does is because of me, and how much is because he actually wants to.”

“Aiba,” Nino said slowly, “you’re my best friend, and I care about you. But sometimes I think you really think that everything is just about you.”

“That’s not true,” Aiba said defensively.

“Yes, it is.” Nino sighed. “Do you even know what’s going on in my life lately? Have you asked? Jun was curious, Ohno was curious and tried to show it in ways he thinks is subtle, but really isn’t, and Sho was curious, although he tried not to ask too many questions. But you haven’t asked me a single thing about me and Ryuta.”

Aiba paused. “Ryuta? You mean Yamamura Ryuta from Cloud Chorus? What does he have to do with you?”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” Nino said. “I’ve been spending an awful lot of time with Ryuta for the past few months, and you haven’t even noticed.”

“That’s not fair,” Aiba replied. “You should’ve told me.”

“Ryuta isn’t the point,” Nino said impatiently. “The point is, you have this tendency to forget that other people have other things going on in their lives, too. Maybe Sho’s problem isn’t you. Maybe it’s that he doesn’t want anything to do with his father’s company, but he doesn’t want to lose it, either, because he’s worried about his brother’s future. Maybe it’s that his father is dying, and he can’t even bring himself to talk about it. Maybe it’s that he has a lot on his plate right now with recording his new album and ours at the same time. Maybe you’re the only thing that makes everything else worthwhile to him; have you thought of that?”

Aiba shook his head mutely. The way Aiba saw it, Sho had been doing quite well without him for years. It was only now that they’re back together that Sho was beginning to falter. He didn’t say that to Nino, though. He thought that it probably wasn’t a good idea to provoke Nino at the moment. When Nino moved to leave the room, he asked, “where are you going?”

“I’m going to look for Ryuta,” Nino answered shortly, leaving Aiba, who was already going to be late for his photo shoot.

})i({

There were five studios and three green rooms on their floor. These were shared by various bands, ranging from up-and-coming ones like Red Shift to established bands like Cloud Chorus. Nino knew which studios and green room that Cloud Chorus usually used, due to his experience while working for them. He also knew their schedule, which was why he was surprised to find the studio empty.

He tried the green room next. He knocked on the door, but there was no answer. He was about to leave when he heard laughter. Pressing his ears to the door, he could make out that the green room was occupied, and that everyone was talking too loudly to hear the knock on the door. He opened the door a crack, and was greeted by a chorus of “hey there”s. Another band, Minako’s Revenge, was in there with Cloud Chorus. There were several staff members, too, as well as members from bands that Nino knew for sure didn’t use the same green room.

“Ninomiya, haven’t seen you in some time!” 

“Hey, Hiro. I’ve been busy, I guess. Sorry.”

Hiro just waved his apology away and said, “well, we’re celebrating. Our new single debuted in the top ten charts. Grab a drink and sit with us.”

Nino thanked the guitarist and looked around. When he saw Ryuta in a corner, he immediately made a beeline for the singer. He stood in front of Ryuta for a moment, making sure that Ryuta knew he was there before saying, “hi.”

Ryuta looked at Nino up and down. “You look ridiculous.”

Nino looked down at himself. To his dismay, he realised that he had yet to change out of his horrible green outfit. “Thank you,” he said absently. “It’s what I’m best at, after all.”

Ryuta started to smile, but then he seemed to remember that he was supposed to be mad at Nino, and stopped. “You’re talking to me again?”

Wincing at the sudden guffaw of laughter coming from a drunk person behind him, Nino said, “can I talk to you?”

“Depends. What is it about?’

“Can we please go somewhere else first? It’s really distracting here.”

“Hold on.” Ryuta stood up and passed the drink in his hand to Kazuki, who had come up to them as soon as he saw Nino talking to Ryuta. “I’m stepping out for a bit,” he told his friend. He headed straight to the exit, but Nino paused before following, meeting Kazuki’s gaze. 

“Don’t worry,” Nino told Kazuki. “I know exactly what you want to say.” But Kazuki didn’t say anything, and just stepped aside to let Nino pass.


	10. Chapter 10

Ohno had waited for Jun to finish with his photo shoot, so that they could head back together. There was a new desserts shop that opened near their apartment two weeks ago, and Ohno was thinking of trying it out when Jun walked into the green room.

“Thanks for waiting, Oh-chan.” Instead of waiting for Ohno to get up, Jun sat down and rested his head on the drummer’s shoulder. “I’m so tired,” he said, yawning. “I don’t even know why. I mean, yeah, I was out with Aiba until pretty late last night, but we didn’t have that much to do today so I shouldn’t be _this_ tired, you know?”

“You were with Aiba?” 

Jun straightened up a little at Ohno’s tone. “Yeah,” he said, looking at Ohno closely. He didn’t know why, but he felt nothing mattered more than Ohno’s reaction at the moment. But Ohno kept a guarded expression, and betrayed none of the uneasiness that he was feeling.

“I see,” Ohno said. “Well, we should leave soon. I’m going out with some friends from my old band and I want to go home and change first.” He stood up and grabbed his bag, leaving Jun to swallow his disappointment and follow.

})i({

Nino followed Ryuta, who was walking fast, turning into corners and down long hallways Nino haven’t explored. “What’s the story behind that hideous outfit, anyway?” Ryuta asked, not slowing down one bit.

“It’s for a photo shoot,” Nino said, as briefly as he could. “For our next single.”

“I went to get your first single the other day,” Ryuta told him. “It was good.”

Nino was surprised at the pleasure he felt from the compliment. “Thanks.”

“I’m just telling the truth.” Ryuta spoke matter-of-factly, as if he was discussing Nino’s music with a stranger instead of a friend. “That Sakurai Sho... his own music may be sappy poppy stuff that I don’t really go for, but I have to admit that his arrangements for Red Shift was spot on.”

“Thanks,” Nino said again, gloomily this time, thinking of all the times he and Sho argued about the song arrangements.

“Your bassist is really good, and the lyrics are simple, but quirky, which I like.”

“Thanks. I guess.” 

“What’s with that attitude? I’m complimenting you, you know.” Ryuta suddenly stopped, and Nino followed suit. He looked ahead of them and noticed that Ryuta stopped because there was nowhere else to go. “Okay. This is far enough from everyone else, I think. So what did you want to talk about?”

“I wanted to apologise for being a jerk.”

Ryuta just raised an eyebrow at the statement. “I don’t know if ‘jerk’ is even sufficient enough a word to describe what you were.”

“Give me a break,” Nino said complainingly. “I’m emotionally challenged, okay? So, okay. I was a jerk. I was a complete asshole for ignoring you and not explaining why. I’m _sorry_.”

“Okay. Care to explain why exactly you felt that you had to be one in the first place?”

An impatient shrug from Nino. “I don’t know! One moment I was asking Aiba about his relationship and then he’s saying all these weird stuff and the next thing I know I was thinking _I know what he means_ and it completely freaked me out and the thing is, I still don’t know what’s going on between us.”

“I thought ‘friendship’ pretty much covers what’s going on between us,” Ryuta said drily, which only made Nino roll his eyes.

“Haha.” He made an annoyed sound before saying, “I think we’re more than that. Don’t you?”

“I don’t know.” Ryuta thought about the way he felt the times they were together, and he thought of how he felt when Nino was ignoring him. He thought about Kazuki’s sly glances and jokes whenever he mentions Nino. He thought about how he was feeling at the moment, and his eyes strayed to Nino’s lips, wondering for the first time what it might be like to kiss him. He swallowed. “Maybe.”

“So I’m not going crazy here? There really is something going on?”

“Yeah, but what exactly is that _something_ , though?” Ryuta always thought if he liked someone, he would immediately know. Nino was complicated. He knew that Nino was the first person he wanted to see to when he woke up, and that lately Nino was the last one he talked to before he slept. He knew that playing music with Nino felt more electrifying, more intimate than playing with his own band. He knew that seeing Nino made his heart feel lighter. He knew that despite all of his friends, none of them had ever made him feel the way Nino did. But did that really mean that he _liked_ Nino?

“I’m not sure.” All Nino knew was that he didn’t want them to be like Aiba and Sho. But, he thought then, he and Ryuta were different people. His hand reached for Ryuta’s experimentally, and held them. He liked how Ryuta’s hand felt in his. He thought of Ryuta’s calm reaction when he found out that Nino had been keeping secrets from him. He thought about how Ryuta didn’t seem to be holding a grudge despite what he did to Ryuta the day before. He thought about how he didn’t really want to keep any secrets from Ryuta, how Ryuta was the only person that made him want to talk about everything. It scared him. “I’m still freaked out,” he admitted. 

He never made any really close friends, other than Aiba, and in high school, there was Sho. Now there was Jun and Ohno, and there was Red Shift, but Nino knew that he still tended to divide his life into neat compartments, and he never let his friends into other aspects of his life. He dated, but only very casually, and he never talked about his dates with his friends. It was as if he was determined to keep everything and everyone separate so that he could easily leave any of them, if he wanted to. Red Shift had made things messy. He knew that Aiba was someone he could never let go of, and the band had become more important to him than he wanted to admit. And now there was Ryuta, and Nino wasn’t sure if he was ready to accept another thing that would mess up his neatly compartmentalised world.

“Well,” Ryuta said, after a long pause. “Why don’t we take things slowly?” Taking the cue from Nino holding his hand, he stepped closer to the guitarist. Close enough that they were almost touching, and that they both wondered if the other’s heart was pounding as wildly as theirs, but instead of closing the gap Ryuta just looked expectantly at Nino.

“How slowly?” Nino breathed out. He was thinking that he would go crazy if he had to be this close to Ryuta every day and _nothing else happened_. 

“I don’t know,” Ryuta said with a lazy grin. “Maybe you want to stick to hanging out like we used to, but with the understanding that we’re dating, now?” His hand left Nino’s, and started trailing lightly up Nino’s arm, barely touching the green jacket, but Nino felt like his skin tingle underneath as if they had made contact. He made a low sound in his throat, which only made Ryuta chuckle. “It’s up to you.”

“What about -” Nino’s breath caught when Ryuta’s fingers reached his collarbone, still not quite touching. “Are you going to kiss me or not?” he demanded.

Ryuta’s grin only widened. “I don’t know,” he murmured, although his face was now only half a centimeter apart from Nino’s. Nino could feel the younger man’s breath mingling with his. “Wouldn’t that, like, freak you out more?”

Nino wasn’t used to being teased. There was banter, and there were verbal jabs between him and Sho on occasion, and sometimes he’d tease Aiba (although mostly he and Aiba would team up to torture Sho), but he always had the upper hand in his interactions with people. He had a feeling that Ryuta was exactly the same, despite the innocent, wide-eyed look the singer had. And that big grin of his. At the moment, nothing irked Nino more than Ryuta’s way-too-wholesome grin. So he reached up for Ryuta’s shirt collar and grasped at it, pulling slightly to bring Ryuta’s lips to his.

})i({

“Sho-chan? Are you busy?”

Sho _looked_ busy, going through a stack of papers that made Aiba frown a little. He took a glance at the coffee table. The folders of _omiai_ candidates that Aiba had placed neatly there still looked untouched. But Sho just motioned for Aiba to come in, and patted the empty seat beside him on the sofa lightly.

“Just going through my old contracts,” Sho said. “I wonder if I could manage to put my solo career on hiatus for awhile, after my new album’s done.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“Well, I’d like to do more with Red Shift, for one. I miss being in a band. I know I’m just a temporary member, but I’d like to focus all my energy into that right now. And if I had a little more free time, I may be able to look after my father’s company from afar. There’s a lot to work out before that could happen, but we’ll see... I just have to keep it running long enough until my brother’s ready to take over.”

“You’ve got everything figured out,” Aiba murmured. “And here I was, coming in to give you encouragement and stuff. And also to rag on you for not waking me up before leaving this morning.”

“You needed the rest,” Sho said. He put his papers away and pulled Aiba closer, as if he needed the reassurance that Aiba was really there. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said. In his voice Aiba could hear all the tiredness and the pressure that Sho had been feeling. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Sleep more, maybe?” Aiba said lightly, but he felt his throat closing up, and he gave a long sigh, betraying the hesitations he had been feeling for a long time. “Sho-chan, are you free next Tuesday?”

“Why?”

“Well... it’s Star Wars Day. And I have plans. For us.”

Sho wanted to ask about the significance of Star Wars day, since neither of them had ever been particularly obsessed about Star Wars, but he looked at how brightly Aiba was smiling at him, and clammed up. It had been a long time since he'd seen Aiba look that happy. 

“I’ll make sure we’re both free on that day,” Sho promised.

})i({

Aiba was whistling to himself as he took the elevator down from Sho’s floor. Sho would be done with work in a few hours, so he said that he’d wait in Red Shift’s green room. When the elevator opened, he was surprised to see the couple waiting for the elevator on the other side.

“Hey,” he said cautiously, looking from Nino to Ryuta.

“Hey,” Nino said back, but apparently he was done with scolding Aiba, because he was smiling. Aiba looked at the way Nino and Ryuta stood closely to each other, and nodded in understanding.

“I’m probably going over to Sho’s tonight,” he said. “You’ll be alone again. Sorry.”

“Oh, Ryuta’s coming over,” Nino said casually. To Ryuta, he said, “this is Aiba, by the way.” 

Ryuta and Aiba smiled at each other awkwardly, something unspoken passing between them. _Take care of Nino_ , Aiba thought. He knew that Nino puts on a tough image, but Aiba didn’t believe that that was all there was to Nino. He remembered when Nino was in his glass-blowing phase in junior high. Aiba’s mother had taken them both down to a factory that made souvenirs - key chains and paper weighs and pretty but useless figurines - out of glass. One of the workers had shown them a teardrop-shaped bit of glass. Aiba had been bored throughout the trip, but the tiny piece of glass captivated him. It seemed like a plain see-through glass at first, but when the worker held it up to the light, Aiba could see all the colors of the rainbow, and the bright yellowish light shining through the glass made it even more beautiful. The man then took a hard object and hit the small teardrop-shaped piece, and it didn’t break at all. But when he twisted the glass gently on its narrow, tapering side, it cracked into pieces. Nino was like that, Aiba thought. So strong, yet so easy to break. 

Giving Aiba a slight, imperceptible nod, Ryuta placed a hand on Nino’s elbows as the two walked into the elevator. Aiba gave both of them a quick wave as the door closed.

Nino hid so much of himself from others, Aiba thought. But maybe Ryuta would be like that light that shone through the glass to show off the colors it hid. The thought made Aiba smile, delighted.

He turned to head for the green room, to wait. _Maybe I'm like that light, too, for Sho-chan._

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, that's Yamamura Ryuta from flumpool, although I'm not categorising this as a flumpool fic XD


End file.
